There is a certain overlooked issue amongst us, which I believe can make Moshiach a reality!
The Rebbe once told Reb Laibl Groner “My Inyan is; the reason why I was given the “chair” [to become Rebbe] is to bring G-dliness in the world but I not being given permission to do that because there is no unity” [סיפורים מחדר הרבי p. 93]
Though it was seldom that the Rebbe should say that something is holding back Moshiach, here is an exception “...the redemption is being held back by the lack of ahavas Yisrael” (15 Tamuz, 5747) In addition the Rebbe was careful not to attribute someone’s passing to a sin G-d forbid, one exception was Machlokes!!
[Although afterwards the Rebbe said there is no explanation why he isn’t here, he still said to be ready for his coming we must live in a Moshiach way with a deeper Ahavas Yisroel, and in addition I am certain that any chossid will say that the yissurim of 27 of Adar and the following 3 of Tammuz with all the years that we are still in Galus since then, has no doubt to do with the lack of Ahavas Yisroel that there was amongst Chassidim, not to justify, but to recognize the issue and solve it]
The question is if we all know this, why is it still such an epidemic, seeming to just increase as time goes on הי’ לא תהי’
Certainly, it’s the שטן who knows that this is where it matters most and if he loses this battle he’s finished.
However, there may be something we can do on a personal level, irrespective of the people around us, that can change the tide and take us in the right direction.
Framework for אהבת ישראל
When I delved a little into the laws of שמירת הלשון it occurred to me, that when one thinks into the rationale and the spirit of these laws, he will notice the tremendous sensitivity that Hashem wants us to have to every yid [as will be discussed later]. It is essentially a framework with which to ensure that we train ourselves to have אהבת ישראל and love our fellow in the most simple sense of the word! [This notion was confirmed in a number of places including לקוטי תורה פרשת ואתחנן where the Alter Rebbe says that שנאת חנם can only come because of לשון הרע ורכילות and interestingly the מהרש”א says that the students of רבי עקיבא died because of לשון הרע] This will of course do its part in lessening Machlokes making us ready to be מקבל פני משיח צדקנו!
Guarding our tongue
The איסור of לשון הרע, contrary to public opinion, is not only something unique to the Chofetz Chaim. [The Rebbe actually held him in high regard. See תורת מנחם התוועדויות ע’ 171 , וע’ 177 where he says “Who do we have greater than the Chofetz Chaim who emphasized [the importance of] dispelling a contrary behavior to Ahavas Yisroel - to say non positive things about another Jew, G-d forbid!”]
Aside from being discussed in many places in ש”ס and מדרשים a bulk of which is in a sugya in Gemara [ערכין טו ע”ב], brought down in Rambam [ספר מדע, הלכות דעות פרק ז], in the מגן אברהם and in the Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch [-אורח חיים סימן קנו סעיף י-טו] and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch [סימן ל] regarding which it says very harsh words about it!! I was intrigued and absolutely amazed when I learned some sichos and heard stories that demonstrate how deeply the Rebbe is bothered by לשון הרע.
There is a sicha [Likkutei Sichos vol. 31 page 8] in which the Rebbe explains why the מכילתא says that Moshe understood why the Jews deserved such a painful Golus in Mitzraim, once he saw that they had gossipers, this being the only sin that can cause the Jews not worthy of being redeemed!!
In a letter [אגרות קודש ח’ ד ע’ תנ’, לקו”ש ח’ יב ע’ 183 ’ ] the Rebbe greatly bemoans the fact the לשון הרע was written to him for no purpose.
This is a key area which we CAN work on because it only involves ourselves, but for whatever reason in our schools this was never put in the spotlight, as being at least one of the key issues we have to work on. Therefore there is a lot of confusion into the laws themselves, into how relevant they are, and how to react to situations which seem to warrant לשון הרע to be said. Are there exceptions etc. etc. most importantly what does Hashem want from us in this mitzvah and what should be our thought process?!
There are many reasons why a person would be tempted to speak or try to find out faults in someone else i.e. לשון הרע.
- Curiosity. It makes life interesting. Some have a תאוה for it. But it has nothing to do with them, they are not being hurt or harmed by the subject in any way.
Part of Hisbonenus, is to think about Perek 32 of Tanya and the sources brought in Kutres Ahavas Yisroel and how precious every Jew is and that whatever lacking is not who they really are.
Another thing to meditate on when one has a strong yetzer Hara is Perek 41 of Tanya, and of course the objective is to internalize what it says i.e. to consciously feel at all times that Hashem is watching us and wants to see that we are serving him by controlling ourselves. To use the vernacular that we are used to, this is what אתכפיא is about which causes אסתלק יקרא דקב"ה בכולהו עלמין a key point in the מאמר באתי לגני which we all know the importance of. Though we are used to applying this term to mean that one should control his lust for food, שמירת הלשון is certainly included.
Sometimes one is asked to describe his friend or family member, [not for any serious reason like a shidduch, just stam] and the person is chilled out in yiddishkeit, here one should only say his Maalos [like he is so kind]. But let’s say they ask, is the person chassidish? Here we reach a dilemma, saying the truth would be Lashon Hara, lying is not allowed either, and keeping quiet can be Avak Lashon Hara, so I thought of a fourth response, say “he’s a טייערע נשמה [he has a special soul]”. [Be sure to say that regarding those that are chassidish as well otherwise it may be avak lashon hara.] This is a true response either way; if he is Chassidish, no need for explanation, if he isn’t, then it is as it says כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול ממנו and in a sicha about positive talk this is what the Rebbe says should be the limud zchus for one that needs it. In other words, we should associate the name of the person to his נשמה and what he does good, and whatever is a result of his נפש הבהמית, יצר הרע וכו should be attributed to that without the name of the neshama. [One will notice that even when the Rebbe discussed an individual who was causing Machlokes, he never mentioned names]
- The subject is causing harm in some way to him, maybe it’s his boss, his Rov, his head Shliach etc. but there is no one to go to to fix the problem. For now, the problem is unsolvable.
This is a much more delicate and difficult situation because it can hurt. Here, one must firmly implant the emuna that whatever Hashem does is for the good, and he has to view that the harm being done to him, is really coming from Hashem and was meant to be. The subject's freedom of choice only goes so far as to be the one to harm him, but the harm itself is what is upsetting, and when one realizes and thinks how it is really coming from Hashem and it is just like being harmed from a sickness G-d forbid, then one can come to terms with it more easily. He won’t need to tell it to others rather he will focus on the good parts of his life.
- The subject is causing harm in some way and he can solve the problem by speaking to the right people.
Number one, he must not talk to anyone about it besides for the right people! That is even if he justifies him afterwards, for yourself you should think of a justification, for someone else it shouldn’t be spoken about in the first place [here is where working on מחשבה is not enough]
Who is the right person?
#1 the subject himself. Torah believes very much that one must confront the person who harms us directly, there are many proofs for thisלא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך . Very often the issue can be easily solved by proper communication. For some it is a challenge to do it right, because when one is angered it is very hard to not talk aggressively, one solution is to express his feelings through writing and this can avoid given over the sting and the harsh negative emotions.
If that didn’t help after trying properly and earnestly, there are certain instances where Halacha allows one to say לשון הרע לתועלת for benefit, but even then there are SEVEN [no less] conditions that have to apply to get that permit, otherwise refer to category #2. The just of all of them is that one must do it out of sincere love and care for that very subject [or at least for his neshama!]
For more on this topic watch this https://stumptherabbi.org/?s=chofetz+chaim
I'd like to hear your comments!
I'd like to hear your comments!